Through the Looking Glass: Is Online Counselling Right for You?

One of the questions currently entering public awareness is whether or not to embark upon online counselling whilst we are all spending such a great deal of time at home. With all this focus on the importance of our mental health it would seem like this is an easy decision. However, before you reach out and book that session there are a few things to consider before delving down the rabbit hole.

Are you able to afford it?

The majority of counsellors are self employed and charging fees is how they are able to offer their skills and time to you. The cost of counselling varies quite dramatically and depends on the reputation, experience, location and specialism of the counsellor. Remember, it’s not just the cost of a single session so you need to consider how often and for how long you would want to see a counsellor and then estimate what you are able to afford. Many counsellors are able, and willing to negotiate their fees which is usually only for a limited number of sessions. There are many charities that offer free counselling but you may face a lengthy wait as these spaces are few and there is high demand for them. 

Do you have the time?

This may seem like a strange question especially since the country is in a national lockdown and we are spending most of our time at home. However, are you working from home? Are you working in an essential service (e.g., doctors, nurses, supermarket worker, etc)? If so, are you realistically able to commit to the time and energy that is required for that regular hour of counselling. Time for rest and proper sleep are vital human needs and if you are having to sacrifice them in order to make the time for counselling then you may have to think carefully about whether or not this is the best time for you to be embarking on this journey.

Do you have adequate space?

If you live alone this is probably an easy question but if you live with friends, family members or flatmates this becomes a bit more tricky. If you do live with others is there a period of time where you will be alone or is there a room where you can have privacy for an hour? Consider also that if you are doing counselling with others around that this may inhibit you from speaking openly for fear of someone overhearing your session. In addition, pay attention to what you are showing in the background (e.g., photos of family in the background) as you may give away more information about yourself than is comfortable or than you initially intended. Additionally, if you wear glasses be aware that their reflection can show information.

Have you used video chat software before?

There are many platforms available to choose from and your counsellor will have put a lot of thought into which one they have chosen to use. Like with any new software it can take some time to adjust and master how to use video chatting software. Practice and experiment with friends and family to familiarise yourself with a specific, or several video chatting platforms so you know what feels comfortable for you. Currently the BACP are recommending the platform Zoom for use by counsellors so this may be one that is worth investigating yourself. Remember when you do video chat with someone you will also be able to see yourself and this can be very distracting, surprising or disturbing for some people.

Something to question is the quality of your internet connection and is it able to handle video chatting software? All streaming platforms (or anything using your internet) uses bandwidth so the more strain you’re putting on your internet connection (and the more bandwidth you use) the lower the quality you will experience on any video chatting software being used. If there are others in your household/office also using the internet you may need to ask them to suspend their use while you are doing your counselling.

Just like with video chatting online, talking on the telephone may be an uncomfortable experience for you or may trigger an emotional reaction (many people find speaking on the phone makes them anxious) and it’s important to be aware of this before committing to engaging in telephone counselling.

Is this the right time for you to do counselling?

Would you be choosing to do counselling had this current crisis not happened and you weren’t spending so much of your time at home? This question is so important because counselling is hard work. If you are currently in a situation where you lack any sort of stability or support (i.e., financial, health, accommodation) then this may not be the best time. When you start counselling it is very common that you start to explore and touch upon things that you didn’t intend to when you started. Just like with Pandora’s Box once it’s opened it might not be possible to put the things that come out back in and if you haven’t the stability, support, or means to continue the counselling you may find yourself in a worse place than when you started. Counselling is a process, and this means you might not always feel great after your sessions which is why it is imperative for you to have the means to care for yourself mentally and physically between sessions.

What is it you want to work on?

Your counsellor may be able to offer an unlimited number of sessions but if you can only afford a finite number of them then it is helpful to have a clear (or clear-ish) idea of what it is you want to work on in counselling. If you are still unsure what to work on even after giving it some thought then this is something you can explore with a counsellor in the first session.

What is it you’re looking for in a counsellor?

Have a think about the attributes, skills, knowledge, gender, sexuality (the list is endeless) that you want your counsellor to have. This is directly connected to what will make you feel comfortable while you are working together. Counsellors come in many different shapes, sizes, colours and trainings and you will save yourself time, and money if you have a clear idea of what you are looking for from your counsellor.

Is your counsellor qualified?

Increasingly, you will be seeing offers such as “if you need to talk to someone you can talk to me anytime” or “reach out to those closest to you if you are struggling with your mental health”. Although these invitations are well intentioned they may be misguided. With the former statement it is important to clarify what exactly is being offered and when specifically you can reach that person. The latter again sounds nice but do you feel comfortable, or safe enough to discuss your mental health with family members or friends? The problem with opening up about your mental health to those who are not qualified counsellors is that they are unlikely to be able to hold you in your more difficult or distressing moments and this could be detrimental to your mental health, especially if you already feel fragile. Counsellors go through rigorous training that involves a great deal of self exploration and this enables them to set boundaries within the relationship and to support you in your darkest moments.

What if your counsellor becomes ill or dies?

Usually this question is only for the counsellor to consider but given the current Coronavirus pandemic this is critical for you to consider at this time. This is not an easy topic of discussion but it is better to have this conversation before you find yourself deep into your work where you could potentially lose contact with your counsellor due to ill health or death. Your counsellor should have a contingency plan in place whereby you will be informed in this very situation and what steps to consider to allow you to continue your counselling.

Counselling is an experience and you may not have the answers to these questions until you begin counselling and that’s ok! Like Alice in Wonderland her journey was fraught with perils, bewilderment and uncertainty. These suggestions are here merely to help prepare you for that journey and to give you some things to consider that will hopefully aid in making your counselling journey as smooth and safe as possible.

By Gavin McDonald