How do you want to use Counselling?

Making the decision to embark on counselling can be an emotional, and often at times confusing, decision. There is “right” way to do counselling and there are many ways people can use counselling depending on your needs, wants or goals. Taking the time to think about what you are looking from the process means you will get to most out of your experience, and this is particularly important if you can only afford a limited number of sessions. To help get you started we have come up with a suggested framework for the purpose of your counselling.

Self-care

In today’s fast paced, overworked, and underpaid society we do not take the time to look after ourselves and our mental health. Counselling can be a way to ensure you are making time to care for your mental emotional health. Connection is vital for the maintenance of all facets of our health. We as people do not exist in isolation and we have an instinctual human need to connect with others. However, the people that we connect with in life our children, partners, friends, family members might be going through their own struggles; or contributing to your distress; or maybe you just work a lot and there is not the time for you to sit and explore your feelings. Counselling can provide you with this space and with that vital human connection that we need to grow and feel secure. Self-care is an artform and is unique to you as a person. If you do not have any self-care processes in place counselling can be a great place to start. Having that space where, no matter what is going on for you, you can take your pressures and talk about what is going on for you with someone who is there to listen and who cares can be rejuvenating. This type of counselling tends to range from short (one to a few weeks) to medium (a few months) term.

Self-development

This type is more self-explanatory and is probably how a lot of people view the use of counselling. This is tailored more for those you are aware of their behaviours or feelings but who might not be happy where they are in life or who feel stuck. The counselling space can be a great place to give you the time to reflect, focus and experiment with different parts of your life. It can provide you with that time to ask yourself those existential questions we all ask ourselves at times but never seem to find the time to explore or give our full attention to. Having a specific goal or a focus when embarking on self-development can be beneficial but is not necessary just having the urge or desire to grow is enough. With this type of counselling, you will probably have a mixture of feeling invigorated and inspired after some sessions and others might leave you feeling a bit drained or tired and this is because self-development involves doing some self-care mixed with doing self-work, which we explore next. This type tends to range from medium to long (one year or more) term.

Self-work

This final category is referring to long term counselling and it focuses on aspects of yourself or life that may have caused you a high level of distress. Specifically, this type is tailored to those who are survivors of trauma or to those who feel like self-care feels selfish or threatening. If you experience dissociation; frequent suicidal ideation; reoccurring self-harming; battling substance dependency or chronic depression, then this is how counselling can be framed for you. The key word here is “work”. This type of counselling, unlike the others, can feel extremely draining; overwhelming, or difficult. In this type you are actively looking at the feelings or events, in your life, in depth that are very painful, and which cause you a lot of emotional distress. You have probably spent a lot of time avoiding, suppressing, or distancing yourself from these feelings as a way of protecting yourself and there is nothing wrong with that! However, sometimes those protection mechanisms start to cause more problems in our lives especially if we feel we are no longer in control of them or do not know how to function without them. Careful consideration must be given before embarking on self-work and it is crucial to assess if now is the right time for counselling as it can be long and arduous work.

Additional considerations

Sometimes the areas we want to explore in counselling might be at odds with what our lives may allow us to. When embarking on counselling you must consider and assess the other factors that affect your life. Ask yourself do you struggle to meet your basic needs? Is your distress coming from external factors? Are you struggling to get a job or pay your rent? Are you so depressed that you can barely get out of bed? Is there a lot of uncertainty or instability in your life? Do not have a strong support network of people you love and trust? If the answer to any or all these questions is yes, then this may not be the best for you time embark on counselling. This may seem counterintuitive but, in these circumstances, your limited energy and time would be better served focusing on your basic physical needs, keeping yourself safe and exploring other avenues of multidisciplinary support through the NHS and charitable organisations.

Maybe you have never done counselling before and even after reading this article you still do not know what you want from counselling and that is ok. Having this discussion with your counsellor can be helpful for both you and your counsellor and maybe that question could be what you initially use counselling to answer.  Remember, counselling is unique to your subjective experience and you may start down one path but then decide to change course as you go along. For example, maybe you want to use counselling to do some self-work but realise it is too overwhelming and need to switch to a less intense self-care focus; or maybe you go to the start some self-development only to unlock something distressing and need to recontract for longer term work. If you are unsure, it is essential that you bring this to your counsellor’s attention and to discuss how you can both navigate and manage the sessions and explore additional support options that might be a better fit you. This is your journey and a counsellor can facilitate you on that journey, but they cannot tell you where to go or what to do: it’s your life and only you can be the expert in your life!

by Gavin McDonald