The Problem with Gratitude

For several years I have watched friends, colleagues, influencers, celebrities and complete and utter strangers “practice” gratitude. In conversations and on social media posts I have listened to folk wax lyrical about “building the life you want”, “visualisation”, “being thankful” and my personal favourite “good vibes only”.

The language is problematic enough but it's the message behind this way of being that really gives me cause for concern. I had a friend who would physically wince whenever I declared that I was having a shit day or if I was ranting about something (or someone) that was bothering me. I felt constantly judged that I wasn't being positive enough. Spoiler alert, expressing a negative emotion does not make you negative. It makes you human. It also makes you an authentic human. We're not designed to squash all of our frustrations and hurt and pretend that they don't exist. You're not failing at life if you have a bad day. You simply are having a bad day. Being able to vocalise this is the healthiest thing you can do for your body.

Now I'm not saying that we shouldn't be thankful or grateful for the life that we have. What I am saying is that when we deny or distort our true feelings, we cause ourselves pain. How often have you looked at someone's perfectly perfect photo on Instagram preaching the ways of gratitude, hashtag blessed, detailing how they've beaten their anxiety and thought to yourself, why can't I do that? Why can't I still look that good or be living that life, what's wrong with me? Absolutely nothing because, and I really can't stress this enough, these people do not exist. 

You cannot be perpetually happy. You also shouldn't want to be. There is no such thing as a bad emotion. Your body is trying to communicate with you and it's up to you to listen. Pushing out concerns, worries, sadness, fears, jealousy or anxiety won't make them disappear. Our emotions exist, whether we want them to or not. Ignored, they will travel to different parts of your body and psyche and come out in ways that may be unexpected, upsetting or confusing. You need your emotions. All of them. It's important to find a way to give as much compassion to the anger as you do the happy. It is all a part of you and every part of you is deserving of your love. Incase it isn't obvious, this is an area I feel extremely passionate about. I fear that in this boom of positive thinking, gratitude and online gurus we have put a label on acceptable and unacceptable ways of being. Striving to be seen as acceptable is only setting yourself up for failure as you cannot maintain a sunny disposition throughout your entire life.

I'm here to tell you it's OK to feel however you are feeling. Embrace it all. Soak it up and drink it in for it is you and who you are is wonderful.

by Laura Finnell